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Things I Learned in Vegas

1. When in doubt, wear sluttier clothes.

2. 112˚ heat with 0 humidity is a cakewalk next to 97˚ with 99% humidity.

3. If going out in 112˚ heat, eat first. And bring plenty of water.

4. If you want attention from a lifeguard in a pool, frontal piggyback rides with your best female friends is a surefire solution.

5. Wear comfortable shoes.

6. When in doubt, taxi.

7. Seriously, your clothes aren't slutty enough.

8. Red Bull + tequilla = awesome.

9. Bragging about your $3500 bar tab isn't impressive, it's just pathetic.

10. The Strip is long. Really long. Don't try to walk it.

11. There's a reason no one wants to stay at the Stratosphere or the Excalibur.

12. There's a reason everyone wishes they could afford to stay at the Wynn.

13. Your concierge knows nothing. Rely on the Internets for help.

14. The monorail is your friend.

15. The sound of slot machines will eventually drive you crazy.

16. That shirt you're wearing? Still not slutty enough.

17. Bring your ID to the pool, otherwise you will not get to swim and drink.

18. The streets are lined with porn! Now, why are you bringing the children here for vacation?

19. Public intoxication is a way of life in this town.

20. There's definitely truth to the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" tagline.

In conclusion, I loved Las Vegas. Seriously. More will come later.

I can't believe I have to go to work in eight hours.