(no subject)

[eee1313]

deeablo brought it to my attention in her journal that some jerkwad from the Chicago Sun-Times wrote a really rude, misinformed, completely bastard-like column regarding William Kennedy Smith being accused of rape again. It was only a few short paragraphs, but it was enough to piss me off and make me write an e-mail to the asshat columnist, his editor, and the publisher. Should you feel the need to hear me get pissed, you can read it here.


I am writing to comment on Neil Steinberg's comments in his August 27, 2004 column, notably the section titled "Help police!" This column, dealing with Audra Soulias' accusation of being raped by William Kennedy Smith, was nothing short of appalling. The insensitivity shown by Mr. Steinberg towards rape as a whole left me shocked. He wrote:

"Think of your own experience -- if you were raped, would you keep mum because of vague 'intimidation?'"

Let me think of my own experience here. I am not a victim or a survivor of rape. However, I had a mild experience -- can you even call it that? -- a year ago which left me stunned. While on a date, the man I was with tackled me to the ground, pinned me down, began kissing me without provocation, and rubbed his erection against my leg. I was so shocked by the whole situation, the most I could think of doing was to tell him to stop and push him away. Thankfully, after a short struggle, he got off me. I never expected anything like that to happen to me, as I never considered myself an "easy target." I was not giving any signals indicating I was interested in any sexual encounter with this man, I was not drinking alcohol, I was not dressed provocatively. I did nothing to warrant his behavior, and afterward I was so disturbed by it, I went home and cried. I had never felt so violated before in my life, and yet -- as I know from nearly a dozen friends who have been raped -- my experience was nothing. I wondered if the man I had gone out with might often treat his dates that way. He certainly showed all the signs of being a potential date rapist. Yet did I mention this to anyone? No, because I was ashamed that people would laugh at me, or tell me I was overreacting. For all I know, this man has gone on to other dates with other women, where he might have done much worse than what was done to me.

My point in telling you about this is that I want it to be known that intimidation IS a very real factor in people not reporting rapes when they occur. I wasn't raped, and yet I was intimidated to stay quiet. Not by my date, but by a fear that I would be seen as a troublemaker or a woman with an ax to grind. This fear came from the society around us, a society which continues to see victims of rape, or people accusing others of rape, as troublemakers. Sadly, the Sun-Times has continued this tradition of making rape victims into the problem by publishing Steinberg's column. Steinberg said that Soulias is "Grubbing for money," that she "should have filed charges." Here he is not only accusing her of using the very serious issue of rape as a means of blackmail, he's placing the blame on her by telling her -- and therefore implying to other victims of rape -- what she should have done. It's easy to say what one should do when not in the situation. It's not easy to even comprehend the violation when it's happening. Knowing how stunned and frightened I felt after my experience, I cannot even begin to imagine what's going through the minds of a person after being raped. Having the courage to go to people and explain that kind of violation is surely just as frightening for many people.

I am thoroughly disappointed and disgusted by the comments made by Mr. Steinberg, and the implications that lay within his column. He is continuing to perpetuate the belief that rape victims are at fault for the crime. I also do not appreciate his use of "comedy" ("But if I were raped ('No, Tyra, no! I'm a married man!')") to lighten the tone of this never-funny subject. Nor do I appreciate his implications that Soulias is little more than an object and not a person ("(what is she, a rag doll?)"), or the implication that because Smith is now a doctor working for a good cause, the burden of guilt is less likely. Mr. Steinberg needs to be made aware that doctors, lawyers, politicians, ministers, teachers, ANYONE can be a rapist. One's job has nothing to do with whether or not one can be guilty of this crime.

At this point, I fully expect some form of apology from Mr. Steinberg for his insensitive comments. I hope that Mr. Steinberg's mailbox will be filled with letters from victims and survivors of rape, to tell him how hurtful and wrong his comments are. He needs to be aware that rape isn't something one can immediately bounce back from, as if it's something as harmless as getting one's purse snatched on the street. Rape has physical and emotional pain, something some people never can heal from afterwards. He needs to be aware that rape most often leaves it victims scared, ashamed, and confused, and not willing to bring about the attention that comes with going to the authorities after the crime. But most of all, he needs to be aware that this column was nothing short of a slap in the face to other victims of rape.

He is entitled to his opinion, of course, but seeing as how his opinions have been put to print for thousands of people to read, I'd like him to know that his opinions continue to perpetuate a cycle of shame and misdirected responsibility towards the victim. I am not mad that Mr. Steinberg has an opinion regarding the Soulias/Smith story, or that he chose to share it. I am mad at the manner in which he did so, and the broad generalizations implied regarding rape victims.

Again, the least Mr. Steinberg should do at this point is offer a written apology. I'd like to see this result in Mr. Steinberg working with rape counselors and survivors to become better educated on the topic before commenting so flippantly on it in his column, but that may be more than I can hope for. After all, the Sun-Times chose to air this piece without considering the hurt it may cause in its readers, so asking for education and compassion may be too much. Even so, I would appreciate a reply to inform me of what -- if any -- actions will be taken regarding these comments.

Sincerely,
eep*

*Of course, I used my real name for this.


I know some of you reading this have been victims of rape or sexual violence. If you feel the need to read this story, it can be found in its entirity on deeablo's journal. I suggest reading it, and if its tone and implications piss you off as well, fire off an e-mail to the people listed at the bottom. They need to be aware that comments like this are only perpetuating a cycle of shame and violence.


ETA: And a response! That was quick.

eep:

basically, neil is saying that women who are raped sometimes don't report it -- for years -- and he doesn't understand this ... and that they SHOULD report it. that makes prosecution so much easier. you disagree, and your reasoning is sound, particularly given your horrid personal experience. i thank you for your long and very thoughtful e-mail. i will make sure Steinberg sees it. thank you again for taking the trouble to write.

-- Michael Cooke


Okay, first off? I get what he's saying. I just don't like the way he said it, or what's implied therein. Secondly, I hope what he's saying here isn't that I was too dumb to understand the column, but more that Steinberg is too dumb to properly voice his opinion on women reporting sex crimes immediately after the crime. Thanks for passing on the e-mail, what with me cc'ing Mr. Steinberg on the whole shebang. Although I guess this means he'll see it TWICE, which is probably a good thing. Sheesh. Also? Good use of capitalization.

Comments

[bigboobedcanuck.livejournal.com]

basically, neil is saying that women who are raped sometimes don't report it -- for years -- and he doesn't understand this ... and that they SHOULD report it. that makes prosecution so much easier.

Gee, thanks for clearing that fucking up for us! GAH!!!!!! I am just seeing red right now! No shit it would make prosecution easier if rape were reported more regularly! You weren't arguing that!

Sweetie, your email made me want to stand up and applaud. I'm proud of you.

[sunbrae.livejournal.com]

You rock, as does your email. *loves*

Go eep!

[fava-bean.livejournal.com]

Seriously, that was a great letter you sent off. Big props to you. It's jerks like him that make prosecution, either directly after the offense or years later, so difficult.

thanks

[(Anonymous)]

Just surfing by, but I want to thank you for the strength of your words in your message to the newspaper. The example from your own life really shines a light on people's subjective reality, and how this basic experience we all share is denied in glib and callous comments like Steinberg's. It is one thing to someone to make thoughtless remarks off the cuff, and quite another for Steinberg to publish them.

Keep up the good work, and check out http://warcheerleaders.tripod.com

[(Anonymous)]

I like Steinberg a lot. Not for his column, but for his two books, If At All Possible, Involve a Cow and Complete and Utter Failure, and for his great work with the Reader dissing Bob Greene back in the day.

I don't think he's particularly off-base on Aug. 27, but his Aug. 30 column is particularly offensive. --Greg

[(Anonymous)]

re: 8/30 - I see Dee's already on the case.

Also, I see that I use "particularly" particularly too often. --GS