I survived B-Fest 2010!
Jan. 31st, 2010 09:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eee1313Friday and Saturday were B-Fest 2010. This year our crowd was smaller than normal. It was me, the Scientist, Jim, Natalie, Greg & Kirsti, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fishdoctorpost, and for the first time we brought the Scientist's sister J. The crowd overall was smaller, but that was okay by me. This year also marked a turn from the norm, with well over half of the movies presented on DVD instead of filmstock. Nevertheless, there were plenty of technical interruptions and/or malfunctions, so it was B-Fest at its best.
First up on the roster was the film I least wanted to see. It was a kung fu movie entitled Crippled Masters. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Two men, one with no arms and one with no legs, learn kung fu and kick ass. We think we got karma points removed from our collective hold just for watching this.
We followed this up with the soul-crusher Heart Beeps. Andy Kaufman plays a robot sounding like Buddy Hackett. Bernadette Peters makes yet another shitty movie choice in the 80s (Pink Cadillac, anyone?), also playing a robot. The two fall in love and escape the robot factory with another robot friend, this one a "joke"-telling robot modeled after Rodney Dangerfield, except Rodney Dangerfield was not involved. (He would have made this better.) The two lead robots create a robot child and wander the woods. I HATED THIS. Here, enjoy:
Gymkata was first shown at B-Fest in 2001, the year before I started going. Needless to say, the years of hearing people shout "GYMKATAAAAAA!" during fight sequences in other movies made me curious to see this. Arguably one of the more watchable films of the event, this tells the story of an Olympic gymnast trained to fight in "the Game," a weird survival race in a fake Eastern Bloc country called Parmistan, which we called Fakistan. A terrible movie, but entertaining in its badness. Here, have a montage clip I found on YouTube entitled "Thighs of Gymkata:"
After this came the raffle, in which the Scientist won a copy of Night of the Living Dead. Of course, it would be zombies. But at least it was a GOOD zombie movie, I guess. I mean, it's a classic. Too bad I hate zombies.
From here, it was the requisite showing of the short film The Wizard of Speed and Time, followed by the requisite upside-down and backwards showing. Here, you can watch the whole thing:
At midnight came Plan 9 from Outer Space. I think next year I'm going to do the same as Greg and sleep through this. If you've seen it three times, you've seen it twenty times. Despite the paper plate throwing when the flying saucers appear, this is getting old. At least one guy in the crowd agreed, as he spent a large portion of the film loudly shouting that we've all seen this before, it doesn't change, and we all know what's going to happen, so how about next year we watch Broadcast News instead? A large portion of the diehards didn't like this and chanted "Shut up, asshole" in response, but honestly? I think he's on to something. For the first few years I thought it was fun, but I am tired of this movie. But then, it will offer me 79 minutes of sleep next year, so there you are.
We followed this with The Room, which I've already talked about here (clip embedded there, too, so you can see more of this cheesetastic glory). I HATED this movie upon first viewing, but now I kind of love it. For the first time ever, the B-Fest people turned on the closed captioning, which meant the crowd got to sing along with the original songs. "You are my rose," indeed. God, I love this piece of shit film. Here, watch the most famous line in the whole film:
Bonus scene, because it's so awesome.
Next up was the sexploitation film Hard Ticket to Hawaii. I'm honestly not sure what this movie was about, as I kept falling asleep throughout it. Something about a girl in the Witness Protection Program who, along with her handler, find a bunch of diamonds intended for a bad guy. Bad guy chases them, they call in reinforcements, and clothing is taken off A LOT. Also, there is an obvious puppet snake which is supposedly mutated due to eating cancer-ridden rats. Terrible. I recognized the actor playing "Rowdy" because he played Ridge on my grandma's soap, The Bold and the Beautiful. This movie was so full of boobs that during the end credits they replayed the scenes of the women undressing. Classy.
At this point they were supposed to play a different movie, but instead they took advantage of the no-minors hours of B-Fest and showed Black Shampoo. Unfortunately, I was so tired I slept through most of this. But for the ten minutes I did watch, I got gratuitous full-frontal 1970s nudity, and a lot of it. Supposedly this movie was rife with nudity. I didn't have a whole lot to work with here, so you get one of the only scenes I was coherent for.
Around 6:30 in the morning, they played The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, which I've never seen but always wanted to. Of course, they showed it starting with reel 2, so it was totally out of whack. I didn't feel so bad falling asleep through this, since I'll just have to rent it now, anyway. This clip is not of the movie, but is about the movie. And it's too perfect fordeeablo, so I have to use it.
After this was the crapheap known as Troll 2, which I've also talked about before. This movie was the soul-killer for the Scientist, who nearly had a mental break watching this awful movie. (He claims to have been doing okay getting through the lineup until this one.)
After this came the 1960s British offering Live It up!, about a band made up of messenger boys trying to make it as a rock band. This would have been better if maybe we could have heard it, but oh well. The most exciting part of the movie was when a girl dyed her hair to blonde, hopped on the back of a boy's scooter, and in the next scene when she got off it her hair was back to brunette. What, did the speed of the scooter just blow the blonde right off her? LAME. No clip for this, as the movie is so obscure that no one knows about it on YouTube.
Next came Fiend Without a Face, the requisite "radiation creates monsters!" movie. This movie also took away our karma points by having a guy become stereotypically retarded after monsters sucked out his brain. I could show you that clip, but I won't. The movie did have some awesome stop-motion work when the invisible monsters came to kill, as well as some hilarious brain creatures at the end.
At this point they switched things up again and showed Sextette, which made me hate everything, beginning and ending with Mae West. UGH. She's the sex-symbol queen of Hollywood who just married husband #6, played by Timothy Dalton. Their wedding night is at the same hotel as a major political conference, and the Russian delegate is husband #3, played by Tony Curtis. Also on hand as previous husbands: Ringo Starr and George Hamilton. And Dom DeLuise and Alice Cooper sang songs, too. Oh, did I forget to mention this was a musical? According to IMDb, Mae West was 84 when this movie was released. Timothy Dalton (pre-007) was 34. Ew ew ew ew ew. Mae West was all plastic-surgeried up, with a giant spotlight on her face to wash her out at all times, and it was just CREEPY. Here, see for yourself:
Due to the showing of Black Shampoo and the rearranging of Sextette earlier in the lineup, they skipped Earth vs the Spider and plowed on to War of the Robots. This may be the worst film I've ever seen at B-Fest. Yes, worse than The Beast of Yucca Flats. This was awful. And it went on FOREVER. The end was literally like watching the old video game Asteroids, except Asteroids was more interesting. And then they looped scenes within the same five minutes, including dialogue, which made me fear the movie was stuck in an infinite loop. The best part of the movie were the robots who looked like escapees from a Lady Gaga video.
Trust me, that's the most exciting part of that movie. It totally broke us all. We were one movie from doing the full 24 hours, but we just couldn't take it any more. So we skipped The Giant Claw (the Scientist had already seen it) and made our way back home. J fell asleep on the way, and the Scientist and I were so out of it we barely spoke the entire drive. Upon arriving home, we showered, changed into jammies, and pretty much lay around comatose until sleep took over.
In conclusion, another successful B-Fest!
fishdoctorpost, and for the first time we brought the Scientist's sister J. The crowd overall was smaller, but that was okay by me. This year also marked a turn from the norm, with well over half of the movies presented on DVD instead of filmstock. Nevertheless, there were plenty of technical interruptions and/or malfunctions, so it was B-Fest at its best.First up on the roster was the film I least wanted to see. It was a kung fu movie entitled Crippled Masters. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Two men, one with no arms and one with no legs, learn kung fu and kick ass. We think we got karma points removed from our collective hold just for watching this.
We followed this up with the soul-crusher Heart Beeps. Andy Kaufman plays a robot sounding like Buddy Hackett. Bernadette Peters makes yet another shitty movie choice in the 80s (Pink Cadillac, anyone?), also playing a robot. The two fall in love and escape the robot factory with another robot friend, this one a "joke"-telling robot modeled after Rodney Dangerfield, except Rodney Dangerfield was not involved. (He would have made this better.) The two lead robots create a robot child and wander the woods. I HATED THIS. Here, enjoy:
Gymkata was first shown at B-Fest in 2001, the year before I started going. Needless to say, the years of hearing people shout "GYMKATAAAAAA!" during fight sequences in other movies made me curious to see this. Arguably one of the more watchable films of the event, this tells the story of an Olympic gymnast trained to fight in "the Game," a weird survival race in a fake Eastern Bloc country called Parmistan, which we called Fakistan. A terrible movie, but entertaining in its badness. Here, have a montage clip I found on YouTube entitled "Thighs of Gymkata:"
After this came the raffle, in which the Scientist won a copy of Night of the Living Dead. Of course, it would be zombies. But at least it was a GOOD zombie movie, I guess. I mean, it's a classic. Too bad I hate zombies.
From here, it was the requisite showing of the short film The Wizard of Speed and Time, followed by the requisite upside-down and backwards showing. Here, you can watch the whole thing:
At midnight came Plan 9 from Outer Space. I think next year I'm going to do the same as Greg and sleep through this. If you've seen it three times, you've seen it twenty times. Despite the paper plate throwing when the flying saucers appear, this is getting old. At least one guy in the crowd agreed, as he spent a large portion of the film loudly shouting that we've all seen this before, it doesn't change, and we all know what's going to happen, so how about next year we watch Broadcast News instead? A large portion of the diehards didn't like this and chanted "Shut up, asshole" in response, but honestly? I think he's on to something. For the first few years I thought it was fun, but I am tired of this movie. But then, it will offer me 79 minutes of sleep next year, so there you are.
We followed this with The Room, which I've already talked about here (clip embedded there, too, so you can see more of this cheesetastic glory). I HATED this movie upon first viewing, but now I kind of love it. For the first time ever, the B-Fest people turned on the closed captioning, which meant the crowd got to sing along with the original songs. "You are my rose," indeed. God, I love this piece of shit film. Here, watch the most famous line in the whole film:
Bonus scene, because it's so awesome.
Next up was the sexploitation film Hard Ticket to Hawaii. I'm honestly not sure what this movie was about, as I kept falling asleep throughout it. Something about a girl in the Witness Protection Program who, along with her handler, find a bunch of diamonds intended for a bad guy. Bad guy chases them, they call in reinforcements, and clothing is taken off A LOT. Also, there is an obvious puppet snake which is supposedly mutated due to eating cancer-ridden rats. Terrible. I recognized the actor playing "Rowdy" because he played Ridge on my grandma's soap, The Bold and the Beautiful. This movie was so full of boobs that during the end credits they replayed the scenes of the women undressing. Classy.
At this point they were supposed to play a different movie, but instead they took advantage of the no-minors hours of B-Fest and showed Black Shampoo. Unfortunately, I was so tired I slept through most of this. But for the ten minutes I did watch, I got gratuitous full-frontal 1970s nudity, and a lot of it. Supposedly this movie was rife with nudity. I didn't have a whole lot to work with here, so you get one of the only scenes I was coherent for.
Around 6:30 in the morning, they played The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, which I've never seen but always wanted to. Of course, they showed it starting with reel 2, so it was totally out of whack. I didn't feel so bad falling asleep through this, since I'll just have to rent it now, anyway. This clip is not of the movie, but is about the movie. And it's too perfect for
deeablo, so I have to use it.After this was the crapheap known as Troll 2, which I've also talked about before. This movie was the soul-killer for the Scientist, who nearly had a mental break watching this awful movie. (He claims to have been doing okay getting through the lineup until this one.)
After this came the 1960s British offering Live It up!, about a band made up of messenger boys trying to make it as a rock band. This would have been better if maybe we could have heard it, but oh well. The most exciting part of the movie was when a girl dyed her hair to blonde, hopped on the back of a boy's scooter, and in the next scene when she got off it her hair was back to brunette. What, did the speed of the scooter just blow the blonde right off her? LAME. No clip for this, as the movie is so obscure that no one knows about it on YouTube.
Next came Fiend Without a Face, the requisite "radiation creates monsters!" movie. This movie also took away our karma points by having a guy become stereotypically retarded after monsters sucked out his brain. I could show you that clip, but I won't. The movie did have some awesome stop-motion work when the invisible monsters came to kill, as well as some hilarious brain creatures at the end.
At this point they switched things up again and showed Sextette, which made me hate everything, beginning and ending with Mae West. UGH. She's the sex-symbol queen of Hollywood who just married husband #6, played by Timothy Dalton. Their wedding night is at the same hotel as a major political conference, and the Russian delegate is husband #3, played by Tony Curtis. Also on hand as previous husbands: Ringo Starr and George Hamilton. And Dom DeLuise and Alice Cooper sang songs, too. Oh, did I forget to mention this was a musical? According to IMDb, Mae West was 84 when this movie was released. Timothy Dalton (pre-007) was 34. Ew ew ew ew ew. Mae West was all plastic-surgeried up, with a giant spotlight on her face to wash her out at all times, and it was just CREEPY. Here, see for yourself:
Due to the showing of Black Shampoo and the rearranging of Sextette earlier in the lineup, they skipped Earth vs the Spider and plowed on to War of the Robots. This may be the worst film I've ever seen at B-Fest. Yes, worse than The Beast of Yucca Flats. This was awful. And it went on FOREVER. The end was literally like watching the old video game Asteroids, except Asteroids was more interesting. And then they looped scenes within the same five minutes, including dialogue, which made me fear the movie was stuck in an infinite loop. The best part of the movie were the robots who looked like escapees from a Lady Gaga video.
Trust me, that's the most exciting part of that movie. It totally broke us all. We were one movie from doing the full 24 hours, but we just couldn't take it any more. So we skipped The Giant Claw (the Scientist had already seen it) and made our way back home. J fell asleep on the way, and the Scientist and I were so out of it we barely spoke the entire drive. Upon arriving home, we showered, changed into jammies, and pretty much lay around comatose until sleep took over.
In conclusion, another successful B-Fest!
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no subject
Date: 2010-01-31 03:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-31 03:51 pm (UTC)Now that they're going to a more DVD format, I'm hoping they might show The Pirate Movie after all.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-31 09:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-02-01 03:45 pm (UTC)All of that is certainly much more intriguing than Live it Up! actually was, but as I mentioned to Margaret, I still find these snapshots of musical eras I didn't live through much more interesting than the ones I was around for.