(no subject)

[eee1313]

Hi. It's been eons (not literally, but DEFINITELY figuratively) since I last posted. America has gone to shit, plain and simple, and it's surely going to get worse. That's fun. Today marks day 126 of quarantining/working from home. I was very lucky in that my office is allowing me to work 6 hour days instead of 8. Earlier when both of the kids were doing school at home, it was just too much for me to keep up with and I kind of lost it completely. HR is allowing me to continue with the shortened schedule until the kids go back to school next month. If they go back to school. We still don't know what's happening. We're supposed to get some kind of notification from our school district soon, and I'm a nervous wreck about it. On the one hand, I do NOT want my kids going to school and potentially getting infected. I also don't want the school's workers (teachers, support staff, etc.) getting sick. On the other hand, my kids desperately need physical schooling. V is getting way too clingy with me, and M needs specialized work. I'm just not qualified to teach him the way he needs to be taught, especially when I'm also trying to work. I can't give him special education in 2 hours, you know?

I don't know. I just don't know.

I've gone to the doctor because I'm having physical manifestations of stress/anxiety, which is wholly new for me. I'm sure I sound like a baby because so many other people are like "Welcome to my life!" But suddenly feeling like your heart is racing and you can't breathe is scary. So the doctor ran an EKG and everything's okay with my heart, but as a precaution I went in for an MRI to have what's called a cardiac calcium score done. They scan around the outside of my heart to look for calcium buildup. The more they find, the greater chances of plaque building in my arteries to/from my heart. THAT'S what I'm most scared of. Heart disease is already a problem in my family, and considering how heavy I've become, I wouldn't be surprised if my arteries are all clogged up. But I can't have a heart attack and die. I just can't. My kids need me. My husband needs me. I need to be okay. So I'm getting checked out to find out what I need to do to make me okay.

Anyway. I should be working, but I just wanted to drop a line here and say hi to the handful of people who are still posting. I just went through and read a whole bunch of your back entries. I'm sorry things are so rough for everyone. It's like we're all in some giant funk of gloom together, but we can't actually be together. I would say misery loves company, but the past few months have proved that's not true. ;)

I love you all. Please take care of yourselves. I'll try to check in more. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Be well.

Comments

[hedgemistress]

Hi! <3 <3 <3